I just came to know that, one of our common friend has told you something about my past that can affect you and our friendship.
I am sure that our friendship is more powerful than any such turbulence, but let me clarify what I didn't told you is not important but why is definitely ?
If I did it, It was intensely done. In present, I am looking at that feeling of young age as simply not necessary in present context of life. I cannot say it's was a mistake that I want to forget, but at the same time I have moved on and life has changed a lot.
I realized that, I had not lost you as friend in past, due to "age difference" or "long time separation" or "you did not remember me" or "because of someone"; but only due to that young age feelings, even though that's was natural at that age @ 12-18 years. Now by informing anything on that, I don't want to lose your precious friendship. I had lost you in past for same reason and don't want to lose again by telling you something that's not relevant and important today.
Whatever was the reason it's not relevant, I was happy with memories and could live on with that. I didn't just tear off pages those pages from my diary but also trying to remove from my memories and prefer not to remember any more.
When I write you about us, if you remember I just put life on fast forward and didn't explain in details for years 1994-1998. Even though if you want to know, I can open those pieces of pages, but it want give anything other than unnecessary pain.
Looking to our past, that was pure relationships of friendship, life was great, I do not hesitate in talking to you. Just like many childhood friendships; we were too close, fight on smaller issues, friends but free in our lives, sometime don't care for each other and the other day too much demanding "why are you not talking", "where were you", and all those small things that matter a lot.
તને ફરીથી દોસ્ત તરીકે પાછા પામ્યા પછી લખેલું :
જે હતું તે હતું, જે નથી તે નથી.
જે રહી ગયું તેને સમેટી સાચવી લઈએ.
લાગણીઓને નામ આપવાનું છોડી હવે,
ચાલો આપણે દોસ્તીતો નિભાવી લઈએ.
I decided to move on with life, and I think that was the best decision at that time I could had taken, to live you on your destiny for better life for both of us.
We are too small against the GOD and, what had happened, it can't be undone. But as I do analysis of incidents as Safety professional, I would like to do fact finding in place of fault finding. It will lead to the fact not what I believe, or my presumption, not any person but system failure. And finally I will end up blaming myself for what ever happened with my one sided love story, what I was believing as my life.
I know, I can't make it right now but definitely learn for better understanding of relationships and it's meaning. How, people who are too close can behaved and change your future and fate. At the same time I believe and understand that they are innocent 😇 and what ever they did was actually done by the God, they are only the handles of the God. Why I should blame someone when the decision is mine to move on with life.
It was like more than life to me and the feeling was like, I forget the other what so ever important things in life, my study, career or relationship even if it's of blood. Who ever tried to convince me to come back to real world from my life of dreams and memories, I thought all they are my enemies.
I never trusted the real friend and was not aware that friends can be real enemies. Turkish Proverb "WHEN THE AXE COME TO FOREST; THE TREES SAID THE HANDLE IS ONE OF US". I did not need any enemies as I had friends .
A Friend or Foe:
If that friend was real, after knowing my true feelings for her, he couldn't had cheated me. He had become my friend only to know my feelings for her, and eventually to make it weak, by telling lie, knowing what going on in my thoughts for her. Once I am not in the way so later on he can get her love?
He informed me that "she is not good girl, not right for your love" ; "she is in love with someone". When I replied "I don't care, even though I will keep loving her, I know once she is with me, she will be mine forever, any past will not affect once she is mine".
By knowing that this trick didn't work, he tried to become more friendly and told she is friend of my sister and he will try to talk to her about me. He informed after some days that he already talked to her but she replied that "I am not interested in any such friendship and her answer was no for me".
Believing him without knowing his real intentions, I requested him to ask her again and give her my letter and birthday card for her (year 1996). He come back to me after some days with same answer. When I asked him "did she read my letter?" He informed "she said, she is not remembering any thing and don't want to make you friend". I believed him and crashed from inside, because I believed him what he said to me.
My strong feeling was because of the past memories and when he said she don't know and even after reading 📖 my story , my memories with her she replied "NO" again. I was hurt 😭 very badly from inside and broken completely.
My sixth sense didn't work that time, I couldn't see he was trying to get her ? He was behind her and for that he make me his friend. He actually fooled me!!!
I was not knowing about this cheating with my life but later on come to know after I decided to move on without my love for her. He once told me that "Tara wadi have Mari jode chalu che". I didn't tell him if she is too bad why you are with her after knowing about her. Even I said him "best wishes, if you are serious about her and want to merry her; I will be happy".
I was not knowing that, I am leaving her with one untrustworthy person. I come to know about that later one, when he told me very bad sentence for his relationship with her while showing his house. He told this is the place that he enjoyed a lot with her: actual cheap talk word from his mouth "me ahi ene ghanivar vapari che". I got engry at that time and told him "what ever is your relationship with her don't tell me anything like this for her in future if you want to continue as friends". I didn't realize his intentions at that time.
He came back to me @ year 2005, that she is getting married to someone else and she is telling him to run away with love marriage. We all three me, my wife and him (my friend or foe) seat @3-4 hrs at my house and discussed a lot to give him morale push up to do what she is asking "to run away after love marriage". If he need help, we offered our place for hiding/living after marriage till the things settled down, don't worry about money if you want to go out of state I will spend if required. We realized that, he was not there to ask help, he was there to inform me his limitations why he cannot marry her. His responsibilities for mother and sisters and his unwillingness to marry her even after so called love relationship of @ 5-6 or more years. I didn't tell him but always believed that the limitations and responsibilities for mother and sisters were always there, than why he showed dreams to her? If he always and already known to the fact , why he ruined her life?
I was not able to tell him anything what he did with both of us. Initially with me and later on with her, because I am also somewhere directly responsible for what happened to me and indirectly for what happened to her. One person ruined a good happy ending childhood love story to never ending miserable 😭 different life stories. He just did not separated two soulmates in past but again trying to separate them from good friendship only to hide his crimes and all wrongdoings.
May god please give him some courage to accept his mistakes and give his good thoughts to leave us peacefully with best friendships forever.
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